HOME IS WHERE THE HANNEKE IS

 Days of le Superr travel

Friday 8^th – Sunday 10^th July: Stuttgart – Paris - Toulouse

Despite having grand plans to be packed up by 10 and on our way our way to the bus from Stuttgart to Paris leaving at 12.30 our tent was still up and stuff unpacked at 11.45am. Final mad dash to stop & bakery left us with just enough time to regale the crew with horror tales of the sauna before we were off to Paris.

10 hours later we pulled into Paris in amazement at the crazy French driving at which our driver Dan fully participated in. Some jeering at the competitor coaches later we arrived at the hostel – unfortunately not where we were staying. No, we had to find our mystery gem of a hotel costing us $22 each. This turned out to be in mini-Arabia and possibly the worst part of Paris situated behind the red light district.

The name the Grand Hotel was optimistic, seemingly they used all their budget on the reception/bar area and none in the rest of the ‘hotel’. Up a spiral staircase we went leading into another world looking more like the dirtiest thai backpackers you can imagine, after shuffling sideways through the pitch black corridor we arrived at our room and prepared to take turns in the communal shower.

Saturday morning brought new hope as we left the hotel and our bags too (hoping they will be there on our return) to try and find the latin quarter instead ending up in the middle of a police supported ‘support the homeless shelters’ protest. Signing the petition earned us some directions to a 3 course meal and wine for $15 each. Sometime later thankfully, reunited with our packs, we took advantage of the hotels hospitality and stayed to use their internet until late into the night, leaving only when they turned down the lobby lights. So at 2230 hrs we headed off, to spend our cheapest night yet, at the airport, awaiting our early morning flight.  Joke was on us though, it turns out due to the increase in tramps using airports as homes, there are now no longer 24 hour shower facilities, no chairs you can lay over and no food on offer unless it’s out of a machine. We did the only thing we could, using luggage trolleys, one as driver, one as jockey, we raced some Germans up and down the terminal, tried to find cheap vending machines (foiled due to tramp activity) and then watched as Alex –clinging to all valuable parts of the luggage- managed to fall asleep around the chair divider in an area designated to the special needs passengers.

With only 30 minutes sleep we have managed to check in and using our packs water proof covers, have managed to sneak things on that had to be carabineered to them cause there wasn’t enough room inside.  The flight itself was meant to be the easy part- this was not so! After 12 of EasyJets best conference’d about the best time to have us board a bus that would drive us 50 metres to the plane , we were aboard, only to have the third seat in our row taken by a lady who after she got a seat belt extender from the stewardess, then proceeded to kiss us breath by breath, the type of horrid breath that makes you complete the entire flight with your jumper over your mouth and nose, while you obviously and deliberately waft the air with the inflight emergency instruction booklet, all while battling turbulence.  We as a team urge everyone, everywhere, brush your teeth, it’s simple, it’s supported, it should be mandatory. 

From here on in it was like a treasure hunt, the treasure being somewhere to pitch le tent and go to sleep.  A big hello to the helpful inspector on the airport link bus, giving us hints on getting to Cahors from Toulouse, while the other not as helpful one talked French at all three of us during our obviously struggling English conversation- during which Becky managed to complete a full change of clothes in the back seat, on a highway.  Alex was tuckered out, not managing to make it to a campsite before napping, instead taking some zzz while on bag watch duty at Cahors station, hiding so well that Becky had even started involving other parties to find her before discovering her fast  asleep next to a fountain in the shade.  Then onwards we trekked, walking with the first pilgrims we’ve come across to the campsite of sun, fun and pools.

Cahors: Monday 11^th & Tuesday 12^th

Hot Hot Hot, super sun in Cahors reaching the mid 40’s, and somehow we didn’t get sunburnt! Alex survived thanks to Pauls hat. The action of the day took everyone by surprise, interrupting sunbathing when a woman needed 4 ambulance men to lift her out of the pool and take her & her dislocated knee away – Rebecca seeing the commotion on the way back from the toilets was disappointed that no CPR was in progress but quickly joined the poolside commentary led by Alex to other campers.

When it was marginally cooler, 39 degrees at 8pm, we headed into town for cheap wine and moules frites, when in france do as the French do. This was the meal of the day as we discovered early on that france closes on Mondays, so lucky for us the meal came with complimentary crabs which we didn’t bank on and Bex ate several before realising. A few hours later on the few km’s walk home we discovered how attack prepared we are when a suspect car and occupant had Alex instantly searching for a weapon, yet again the flick knife on the spork came in handy in case we needed to stab and run. Instead we only needed to hide next to a property with a big dog before fast walking a km and realising the weird guy wasn’t following us.

Tuesday brought with it the need for some culture and to meet the locals. Into town we went, checking out musee de la resistance, and a big thanks to the Southern French boys from the campsite who gave us a lift into town in their van just minutes after Alex suggesting she would offer lifts to travellers from now on. Our last evening at the campsite and in Cahors was spent drinking local wine, packing and eating fresh food from the markets quickly making the messiest pitch known to man. So quickly fixed when naturally the rain stormed down on us again.

Finally arrive in Salviac – Wednesday 13^th – Sunday 17^th

Wednesday 13^th

Wanting to arrive in style at the station for our pickup to Salviac, we boarded le petit steam train at the campsite in our dresses, heels and packs.

 Steve and Hans collected us and in the process we might all end up in the background of a low budget movie, as we moved closer to filming to look for two men driving round looking  completely lost. And into Salviac we pulled, for Hans’ 80^th birthday, the cooking & chopping of food started before heading to the Bastille Day celebrations.Steve and his girls enjoyed the food and wine before he temporarily flirted with disaster when he pushed a cornetto up Alex’s nose. We enjoyed the fireworks unaware of the challenge awaiting us of getting Steve back up the hill to Hanneke’s. Tonight confirmed the creation of Steve’s law, similar to Sods, and his group, Steve’s Girls.

Thursday 14^th

Thursday was filled with manic preparation for Hans birthday dinner for 40 people. Balex provided a solid contribution of decorating pies with messages for the birthday boy – Charlotte wouldn’t let us near her sausage rolls unfortunately! Lesbian fingers, baked pitta with butter & garlic, were the next item to be prepared for the meal leading to endless jokes throughout the night including one guest wanting to know what they were in case she had them!

Dressed and ready to party we circulated the nibbles to guests starting the confusion of were we hired help or not. Confusion turned into certainty when table 4 asked for more bread and table 1 needed more water. Mingling continued and Charlotte was complimented on her good English language skills – embarrassment all round when they learnt she was English.

Steve’s girls took command of an eventful clean-up operation leading Hans to think a full blown argument had broken out. It was only the huge spider in Els’s hair that led to screaming from all of us, Bex was attacked by an unexpected serrated cake slice and stacks of stuffed dates and potential pecan pie were discarded. Alex joined the list of injuries when she revealed she had been stabbed by a steak knife earlier in the night at the dessert bar. Despite the panic of spiders and deadly weapons in the kitchen we left the kitchen as clean as we could hopefully persuading Hannake to come canoeing with us in the morning instead of needing to clean up.

Friday 15^th

Plans were successful and on Friday morning we formed teams for the day of canoeing the Dordogne. Steve and his girls formed 2 pairings, Hannake & Els another and Hannah and Bos the other. While trying to be helpful Charlotte almost didn’t make it to the river when she was nearly attacked by a dog 

of death.

BALEX boarded and were off while everyone else was still at the shore – partly confirming our affinity to water, partly the current leaving us with no choice. River bars were formed between Steve and his girls while Hannake & Els zig zagged their way down the river possibly covering 17 miles to everyone else’s 9. In our attempt to tan we trialled a gondola approach to rowing meanwhile Charlotte was taking sun protection to new extremes with a turban sarong.

Several stops later, to swim, eat and collect scattered clothing and footballs, we arrived at our destination of the 2^nd bridge – Hannake and Els did this in true style as they canoed over a small child in the process!

Tan lines from the day were fab and Steve’s burnt feet took the prize for best in show. It was time to return to Hannakes, signalling the end of peace and quiet for Hans for the day, for the first evening of the ‘Come Dine with Me: Salviac Special’.  We learnt tonight than Alex’s inflection really is infectious as everyone’s Aussie is coming along beautifully, especially Els’s Dutch – Aussie accent and Steve cannot resist but thrown in a few Bruce’s in every sentence.

Saturday 16^th

Return to Cahors for market day, the back seat contingency forming again, to source ingredients for the ‘Orient Express’ extravaganza. The cake stall inspired cheating as we bought some chocolate cake we would later claim to have cooked ourselves.

Once home the cooking and chopping began again to produce a feast of feasts. Stress levels peaked at one point so BALEX took to plate decoration to get out of the way. Chocolate cake lie was not blown and the kitchen again was left gleaming.  The O’Mara’s and guests excelled at late night drinking resulting in Alex trying to sneak in and not wake Charlotte up instead just falling on her head! We retired to bed happy in our knowledge we had met our one goal of using up all the leftovers in our meal – unfortunately for Hannake we also created more!

Sunday 17^th

Thank god it was rest day today. Late night drinking meant Steve put his shoes on the wrong feet and BALEX snoozed through to a leisurely 12.30. We took advantage of packing bags in a roomy space and the chance to discard things with Charlotte. Oddly giving up 1 dress and a camp shower had made Alex’s bag look super light and empty even though the vac bags are no longer working.

As always a HUGE feast was for tea and a last attempt at finishing the leftovers. We were given a picnic for the train which would make us the envy of everyone around us. The week’s drinking had caught up with the whole house and everyone was early to bed to make sure we were on the train to Paris at 7.01am tomorrow.